Looking at the past month, it makes sense. I've been a busy woman.
At the beginning of the August I headed to Chicago with my Sweet Soul Yoga studio partner Marisol and friend of many years Michael. We taught yoga at Lollapalooza Music Festival at the Kidzapalooza village within the festival. It was a really great experience, for which I am grateful and happy to have been apart.
Marisol and I strike a dancers pose backstage at Lolla.
I've been trying to teach yoga as often as the opportunity presents itself. Which is a few days a week, last week I subbed for my mentor which was nice. Our outdoor yoga classes have been a bit sketchy because of the rain and it seems a lot of people go away during August.
Finally finished my yoga resume and now its time to hit the pavement and hustle up some actual work!
In other news, I've put my book down, feeling less than inspired. I guess this stuff comes in waves. I can't force it otherwise it becomes crap.
I have been inspired to begin writing another project with an old friend. Finished a brief outline and some of the passages, it's focused on sobriety and friendship.
Speaking of sobriety, this morning I had 19,000 hours of sobriety according to my sober calendar. Geez, that's a lot. For the last few months I have not been attending AA meetings and I am extremely disconnected from the AA program. I love AA, the principals, the steps, that it was there and saved my life, but at the moment I am not in the head space for AA. I've reached out to a few AA people for some support and it's been pretty lame. I will return to AA when the inspiration happens, which I feel will be soon. Being sober has given me so much I always feel immense gratitude for the program.
Ok, so basically being sober for 19,000+ hours has given me a pretty great life. Financially not thrilling but a great life, I believe in a power greater than myself, yoga and that I am here on the planet for a purpose, to serve others.
Which brings me to my next topic...fear.
As any human I have a lot of open ended things happening in my life that could be drowned in fear. I constantly have to work on my faith to believe that daily things will be ok. It is work but very rewarding work that makes me a happy person because most of the time I don't live in fear.
Recently I started something with a person that I have been friends with for many years. Started something, ha, funny. Ok we are sleeping together, which is wonderful. I seriously care about this person in a huge way but man this past week an enormous amount of fear kicked up. I realize:
-I have never had a healthy romantic relationship with anyone prior to sobriety. Pretty much drama, heartbreak and disasters.
-Because of my past I have no idea how to have a healthy romantic relationship and I have no idea what I want in a relationship
-It is ok not to know what I want and still enjoy this, not everything needs to be defined right now
-The other night I felt like I wanted to run away, but I didn't and I lived, it was lovely
I believe I have written about conforming to societies ideals of what a relationship needs to look like, etc and how I dislike these ideals that are shoved down our throats from early age.
Psychology Today has a wonderful article this month on couples that do not conform to societies ideals and do not let the pressure of society effect their relationships. It's a good piece, read it in the Aug 2011 issue. (there is also a solid piece on how to spot a narcissist which is frightening and hysterical).
So as I always say life is constantly a learning & growing lesson. What do I take away from the past month.
-It is ok to not know what you want in a romantic relationship, not everything needs to be fast tracked or defined, have fun and enjoy it for what it is
-I need to hit the pavement for yoga teaching jobs!
-I also need to work on my personal yoga & meditation practice (I didn't get into this but I will write about my personal yoga practice and meditation soon)
-I need to start eating less, because I gained 10 lbs somewhere this summer and it's no bueno (here's to hoping it's muscle)
-AA will be there when I'm ready to return to regular meetings
That's all for now. Lulu needs a walk before the rain storm hits again.
Happy August 21st to you.
Grace Potter's legs at Lolla, my new inspiration for getting in shape
Backstage view looking out to sea of Eminem fans singing "Lose Yourself" beautiful Chicago as a backdrop
Chicago Art Institute, I found this painting extremely disturbing
Sweet Soul Yoga
