Tree Falling In The Woods....

Tired.  Really really tired.

The past few months has caught up with me.  Being sick has caught up with me.  This week I'm struggling very hard to stay upright and alert.

Did I write about finishing my yoga teachers training?  I honestly can't remember.  That's what happens when I get this way, I become very forgetful.  Finished training on Saturday.  Tuesday night I taught a full class of hot vinyasa, officially my first class as a certified teacher.  It was a fantastic feeling.  Was that yesterday?  I forget what day it is today.

So many things on my mind, next steps, where to move, if I should move, work, teaching, mostly next steps.

Currently it's hard to think clearly, my body is telling me SLOW DOWN.  I haven't felt this exhausted since I first got sick.  Today I had to stay on the subway a bit longer than my stop because I didn't have the stregnth to get off and walk.  Silly.  True.

It's frustrating when you're body gives out.  It's something that I've discussed with people in the past.  The only people that really get it are the elderly and other people who live with illness.  Les Paul expressed his disappointment to me about at his body giving out a few months before he died, I understand it better now, although at the time I did sympathize with him.

Many people who are close to me still don't understand, which is frustrating for me.  It makes me feel as if I'm a flake, yes sometimes I can be flaky, less so in sobriety than I was prior.  Most of the time it's that I've pushed myself to do more than my body can take and I'm not resting enough.  Most of them don't understand, I don't think they will anytime soon.

Right now I would like to rest for a few days.  During the day I struggle to stay awake and energized.  Usually by 2 or 3pm I need to lay down for a bit, there hasn't been that opportunity.  The past few days the use of my left arm is weaker than normal. 

I feel like that tree falling in the woods that no one can hear.