I question a lot lately, well, I've questioned everything my entire life, but lately my questions have changed a bit, "Why do I feel this way," "why do I fight this?"
In May around my birthday I pay a visit to Jana my energy healer and spirit guide channeler. I've spoken with my spirit guides through Jana on several occasions in the past year and half. They don't see the future just your past and present, they see you in your true raw version and they understand, they watch and know when you are veering off on the wrong path.
I asked them about finding love. They of course said, you are already loved Shanon, but we understand you are speaking about romantic love. (of course my spirit guides are sassy).
My spirit guides told me a bunch of things about love and ideas of romantic love, conformity and my opposition to conformity of what society believes relationships should look like.
They said, "your next relationship will be what you want it to be, it doesn't have to be like anything you've experienced before, there are no rules except the ones you place on it, and this person will understand"
Its stuff that has been sitting pretty heavy in my mind for the past few months, this morning I was out walking L to the U squared and I think I get it.
I seriously dislike conformity. I don't like being told what to do, my entire life the idea of marriage, 2.5 kids and a house really didn't sit well with me, it seemed boring. It's lovely for everyone who wants it and if you're happy wonderful. For me, no.
Don't get me wrong, I really like kids, notice I don't use the world love, mostly because I don't really love your child, it's not mine, like I don't love your dog, I love my dog, but your dog is ok and I like it, same with your kid.
So to answer outstanding questions that are constantly being asked of me regarding marriage and children, no I don't really feel the need to marry someone again, expressing the way I feel about someone doesn't need to be legally written up by a judge and stamped with a clerk fee attached. And yes I like kids, I would like to have or adopt one day, when I feel it's the right time with the right partner.
Just because I don't giggle and drool over wedding dresses/babies doesn't mean I don't think the idea of having children and that finding someone special to spend your life with are bad. I only think of doing these things in very different ways than most of the population of the world.
With spirit guides words in mind, there are no rules except for the ones we make to that say what a good relationship is. We put up these parameters and box ourselves into the good/bad/ugly ideas.
I have been married and I have had a share of relationships. Today was the first day I realized, who's to say these weren't successful? Me? You? What is a successful/good relationship? It's what you want it to be?
Most romantic relationships don't last. Did you learn something from them? Did you have fun while you were in it? Some relationships just end, they don't end poorly or with heartache, they just stop. That's ok too.
If I open my mind to the idea of my past relationships I am trying to look at them in a way that isn't the way society judges a successful relationship. One of the most painful relationships I've ever been in helped get me sober and I actually continue to thank that person for the impact they've had on my life. He broke my heart, then helped me heal it. That's not conformity, that's love in a bigger way. I have a lot of gratitude for that person and what we went through together, I wouldn't change one moment, it helped me become the woman I am today.
So what am I trying to say here, all of these flying thoughts and such.
Be who you want to be. There is nothing wrong with doing things different from what society tells you. Only be happy and be yourself.
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