Discarded

¹dis·card

 verb \dis-ˈkärd, ˈdis-ˌ\

Definition of DISCARD

transitive verb

1

: to get rid of especially as useless or unwanted <a pile ofdiscarded tires>

2

a : to remove (a playing card) from one's handb : to play (any card except a trump) from a suit different from the one led

intransitive verb

: to discard a playing card

Synonyms: cashier, cast (off), chuck, deep-six, ditch,dump, eighty-six (or 86), exorcise (also exorcize), fling (off or away), jettison, junk, lay by, lose, pitch, reject,scrap, shed, shuck (off), slough (off) also sluff (off), throw away, throw out, toss, unload, dispose of, set aside

Discarded.  Basically how I feel at the moment.  

I appreciate the intransitive verb: to discard a playing card.

We just discard other people, pets, items.  Or we are the discarded one.

Today I'm the discarded one, useless or unwanted are the words used to describe discard in the dictionary.  It feels awful, I feel useless and unwanted.  It's the perfect definition, thank you Webster.

Looking back over the situation I am trying to see my part, like a good AA.

Trying to understand this is not my will.  See the big picture and what path I'm supposed to be on.  I didn't even ask for the situation, it found me.  Maybe that's the hardest part to understand.

It's only been 2 1/2 hours since I was thrown away, so things are blurry. 

My first instinct was to kill the empty with a drink, my second to reach out to the few people that are always there for me.  Oddly enough the one I discarded a year ago is always there.  "you're safe" they said.  thank you, for the moment I feel better.  

As the sunsets over Brooklyn I know I'll feel all my feelings intensely.  I don't have the luxury of drowning them anymore.

So I'll sit here in the quiet with Lulu and try my best to wake up tomorrow feeling a little less like used junk.