Bashert

Something I realized when I got sober in June 2009 was things don't happen by coincidence. 

Nothing is coincidence, I used to think, whoa, that is such a coincidence that I ran into that person I never met before in a sea of 10 million people talking public transit in New York only days after meeting them for the first time. 

There is a reason I met that person and ran into them again.  That person had left a fingerprint on my life, possibly small or large, but they were support to be there at that time and place.

I remember the first few months of sobriety walking the streets of Brooklyn early in the morning and running into fellow AA members, smiling, stopping to talk, adding a little something special to my day, hopefully I was adding something to theirs.  These things began to happen more and more, my theory on coincidence changed over these months, this was bashert, Yiddish for meant to be.

These interactions also helped me develop my personal spiritual faith.  My belief in my higher power.  Something greater than myself was looking out for me.  Sending me little reminders I was being taken care of, things would be ok, I wasn't alone in the world.  It was soothing and made me feel apart of something greater than myself.  Humanity, for the first time.

Since moving to Detroit in late April of 2012 I've lost a lot of the pieces of my life that kept me tethered to my higher power, my AA program and my base of friends and family in New York who helped my daily reminder that I'm ok, something bigger than me is running the show, I have to let go and let god, as they say in the program.

Last night walking home feeling a bit low, a face appeared in the window bar below the building I live in.  It was one of my oldest friends in the world.  Bashert.  Her energy and unconditional love reminded me that you get what you need when you really need it.

Sometimes the things we receive aren't all glitz and glory, they are hard, life lessons we need to learn to understand whom we are developing in as a person. They set us up the for the future. We never stop growing and learning, trying to better ourselves.

I am not a perfect person.  Character defects in myself I've seen in the past 10 months since my move here to Detroit are things I am not proud of, some of them I was aware of, yet reared their frightening heads, some of them surfaced to my surprise, deep seated from my past, I had no idea they lurked inside of me.

The thing I am becoming aware of is that I am learning, I am trying to grow and change.  It's a slow process, I will never be perfect, I can only try to be better, my goal to be a loving compassionate and understanding human that strives to understand her part in issues that arise.

I just need to stay in touch with the high power of my understanding, when I step away from that I loose everything dear to me.

So I'll try on a daily basis to remember how much I have in my life, how lucky I am and pray in my way for guidance to continue on my path to be the person I that I can be and hopefully share that reflection with people I care about.

Shanon