I had my heart broken recently. The end of another relationship, I've been here before, although I don't speak about it with others very often I walk around with an empty feeling a good portion of the time, constantly working to heal myself and understand that I am worthy of real love. Sometimes that is hard especially when you feel kicked to the curb, disposable.
The 10 months I spent with this person seems like an eternity now. So much happened, I worked hard at the relationship, seeing my part in issues, he just absorbed and did not reciprocate.
Leaving the relationship was a good thing, I immediately felt a sense of relief, although it doesn't mean it was easy or not painful.
Yesterday my friend asked me what I saw in my partner of 10 months, I honestly couldn't remember, so I lied to try to legitimize the sadness I have been carrying around.
The truth is he treated me poorly, I lied to myself constantly trying to make excuses for his behavior. He used the goodness I brought and then tried to blame me for his issues.
No one person can be responsible for the end of a relationship, it takes two to tango. I understand my part and I take responsibility for my actions.
Now that I can see it for what it really was I hope that my healing process can begin. He drained me of my open heart, of trust and faith in love.
Yesterday I was able to spend the day with one of my dearest friends visiting Detroit. It really reminded me of the magic a true friend can bring into your life. No judgements, just being yourself, loving you for the person you are, faults and all, compassion.
I feel grateful for my friends, new and old. They have always been there for me, they are my family, my touchstones, my heart. Being away from most of them this past year has been incredibly hard, I miss the support they provide on a daily basis, and although I talk to people often it really is different when you have them right in front of you.
So my dear heart, please heal again. You are worthy of great and true love. You have a lot of love in your life and please allow yourself to open back up to accept what the future will bring.
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