Happiness Vs Misery

Love.

Jeeus.  How many entries have I written about love, love of self, another person, animals, a song, anything?

So much of my life has been in search for many types of love and acceptance. 

It feels like those two things go together well. 

Being truly loved, at least for me, is to be accepted for the person you are, 100%, no bullshit, no lies, no faking.  This is who I am, flaws and all.

But you have to understand who you are first to be truly loved.  At least that's how it happened for me.

Recently I wrote about loving myself, accepting myself after years of self dislike which manifested in the dislike of others.

This took years of work, real work to get here.  Leaving a marriage that destroyed the essence of who I really was inside, putting down the drink, looking at myself and tearing everything apart to understand who I was, what made me whole. 

The journey is never complete, although we can get to a place where we begin to feel good, we understand and accept ourselves, eventually loving ourselves.

Some people are just born lucky, they are born with self love.  I guess we are all and then the outside elements help destroy it creating self doubt which leads to self dislike.  I'm really trying to stay away from the word hatred here. In the past I thought I may have hated myself at times, I don't think I did, if I did I don't believe I would be alive to write this entry.  I think I just really disliked myself enough to make myself a miserable human being. I was not one of those lucky humans.

My self love took years to develop.  

Once I finally arrived I realized why I couldn't have been loved or loved someone in the past. Me truly loving someone? impossible.  How could someone filled with anger and self dislike love someone else?  We don't, we grab hold of the first available victim and take them hostage!  Well, it's not that dramatic and 99% of the time both parties involved are equally as sick.  The sick are attracted to the sick, the well, the well.  This is just the way it goes.

If you are miserable, misery follows.  Once you let go and love yourself enough to let happiness in, it will follow, grab hold and set up house keeping.

Take a look at yourself today.  Do you want to be truly happy?  Or are you content just being where you are?

For me truly happy is the only option.