I'm easy like sunday morning....

Not only is this song great, the outfit Lionel is wearing might top Neil Diamond in the super sparkly suit realm.  And currently I'm feeling "easy like Sunday morning"


Last night I had the insomnia again, maybe it's not insomnia, I have been going to bed way to early and waking up at hours like 3am, 4am and 5am when nothing is going on, not even an exciting Twitter feed.  Is it possible I need to follow a speed freak that doesn't stop Tweeting for early morning entertainment? Please send suggestions as I am now reading Walden, again.


This morning after a thorough cleaning of my apartment I headed to the noon Bikram class up the street.  I've been having some challenges with my lower back and sciatica. Man, its rough, the back just gives out which forces me to go easy in postures right when my mind is in the groove and wants to push me further. 


This afternoon I had solid conversations with several people that have left me feeling"easy".  


I tend to forget that I've been on this planet, have experienced so much, worked so hard on myself in the past few years that I have the power to bring some practical vision to things others are dealing with in their lives.


In AA they say we are here to help the "still sick and suffering," which on any given day can easily be me.  Today I was able to be there for a few people and in the process make myself feel good too.  That's a gift, not a gift of my super human powers, but the gift of being alive.  If you can be there for someone to help ease their pain it will in return make you feel good.  Double your pleasure? You bet.


My 96 year old Grandmother is having an especially difficult time right now, her partner for the last 17 years is living with his children because of dementia. She is being uprooted from her home for the past 20+ years in South Florida to return to an assisted living facility in Detroit, her home town.  Most of her belongings are being given away, and next week she'll be all moved into her new place. 


My father is doing an incredible job at being there for her, he is a wonderful son, I only wish I can be there for him when he needs that support too.  I guess I am now or at least I try. 


The conversation between my Grandmother and I was hard, the last few times I've spoken to her, she is depressed, stressed out and seems unmotivated.  I asked her if she believed in God, now this is a woman who was head of the B'nai B'rith mind you (national, not just local), she said "yes and no, lately I don't feel god"  This made me extremely sad, as I said, she was always very involved in her temple and the rituals of Judaism.  Which leaves me to question if she practiced her religion out of habit, the ritual or if she actually does have a spiritual side?  Now wasn't the time to ask her, I will return to this conversation in the future once she is more settled in. 


I think most of my family practices out of forced habit.  That might be why I was never drawn to religion and why when I practiced I questioned everything.  Was it for the love of god or faith?  It didn't seem like either growing up, cue "Tradition" from Fiddler On The Roof...


Now I consider myself deeply spiritual.  It has nothing to do with religion.  It has to do with my "conscious contact with my high power," I often call it god for lack of a better term, but only in the presence of people who won't run off thinking I'm trying to convert them. 


AA helped me find my faith in a higher power, it was the start of my spiritual journey which I work on daily.  This year was a big growth on that journey, studying the Bhagavad Gita, Yoga Sutras, The Bible and The AA Big Book.  At the end of the day, what I've discovered is simple, if you can open your mind and believe that there is something bigger than yourself out there, you have faith.  It will develop and keep you peaceful, if you can expand on that and add a little meditation or reflection it will change your life. 


That's my experience, not unique in anyway, it works for me.  It seems to work for others I know too, so I share that with you.


When I let my ego take over and think that I'm in control all hell breaks loose.  Sometimes that needs to happen to remind me that I have faith and it's deep.  Hell my parents named me Shanon Faith!  How could I have not had it all these years??  I only needed to unlock it.


I'll leave you with this, actually it's for someone special that I know will understand, just fake it until you make it.  I'll have faith for you now until you have it for yourself. 


Grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.


xo


Shanon

Trust The Process

Man, turning over my will to my higher power at times can be extremely challenging.  In my short time of sobriety (655 days) it's been something to focus on.  It seems to be getting easier actually, but my will that little demon wants to pop up and react at the most inopportune times.  Shhhh.....it's ok little will, trust the process, things will happen like they are supposed to, you don't need to control every moment or situation and quite honestly in the past my will has gotten me in a LOT of trouble, a lot being an understatement.

Today I'm feeling grateful.  Grateful for being the sober woman I have become and continue to grow into daily.  For having supportive beautiful friends that turn up at the exact time I really need them (this is all higher power stuff).  For being alive, yoga, learning, exploring, working with people I adore and respect, for feeling uneasy, hurt or sad but getting through it without the collateral damage I used to put myself and others through.

As I mentioned the other day I've got some really heavy things weighing on me such as next steps in my life, where I might want to live, work, money, normal regular people things.  All quality things which I am also feeling grateful for, in the past my worries stemmed from "did I insult someone when I was drunk last night?" "where's my wallet" "how did I get these bruises?" What a difference a lot of work makes.

At the moment I'm also dealing with some feelings about a friend who I care about very deeply.  It's hard to sit with all of this, I've turned all of it over to my higher power and I'm in trust the process mode, slowly I'm starting to feel a bit better.  I have a lot of understanding of the entire situation, a lot.  So I sit, trust and wait for my answers.  They will come because I have faith along with an open heart and mind.

Shanon

Oh I also have to mention that Trust The Process is the email address for an old friend who's also happens to be a big rock star.  I always used to email this person and laugh about their email address, they were sober years before I came into the program.  I finally get it and every time I think about the words Trust The Process I think about this person, I believe it was a higher power situation getting me prepped for my life now.  Thanks JT, good luck on your upcoming world tour.