I'm such a freak-show sometimes.
I'll be in a situation where something/someone new comes into my life and I immediately start coming up with 1000 reasons why I need to walk away and this situation can work.
Stop. Breathe. Seriously Shanon (I'm talking to myself out loud here), this is all fear being brought to the surface because in the past you've had experiences that didn't go the way you wanted them to and you are a control freak.
I've learned from all of those experiences, there is no regret.
Lessons here:
-Have faith that these new situations will be different, turn it over!! I can't control everything.
-Stop judging things based on the past, not everything is a repeat of the past
Right now is a huge transitional phase of my life. Walking away from the creature comforts and life styles I have grown complacent and accustom to for the past 20 years.
Trying something brand new without any idea of where this is all headed. There are moments that I feel so overwhelmed my head feels like it's going to explode (btw this isn't a possibility even with my head :) ).
In the midst of so much transition and an overwhelming schedule, I have to remember that all of these things are a gift of me being a present sober woman. I know that no matter what I'll be taken care of, somewhere, somehow, if I have faith.
I just need to remind myself that new things are ok. New people are ok.
Breathe in and out.
Smile.
It's going to work out the way it's supposed.
I think I'll go meditate now :)
Shanon
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
With Humility and Gratitude I celebrate 730 Days
When inspiration strikes you act.
730 days ago I woke up at my friend Tara's house heart broken and spiritually broken, in a small moment I knew I needed help and decided to go to AA that day, I did at 11am and it changed my life.
Today I celebrate 2 years of sobriety. My life is completely different, I am completely different.
It's said when you arrive in AA eventually you will have, "a life beyond your wildest dreams" it's true. I do.
I never dreamed I would have this life, it's not filled with riches, private jets and haute couture, but it's filled with love, spirituality and happiness. Good people who support me, and inspire me and a deep faith that things are going to be ok on a daily basis.
It's about 2:30am here in Brooklyn and I can't sleep. Maybe a bit of excitement for this evenings celebrations festivities, maybe a bit of my Dad sleeping and snoring loudly in the other room. Whatever the mixture it's a good one.
I'm trying to think about how to sum up everything that's taken place and thank people who have come in and out of my life, where I am at now, etc. A List? Sure....Here's my 2 years of sobriety list, with initials to protect anonymity.
-God, for making yourself present in my life, for always being there even though I wasn't aware of it. I call you God for a lack of a better word, you are my higher power, I watch you make sunsets and flowers, bring miracles in my life on a daily basis and remind me that there is something bigger than me.
-My family, for understanding in their own way that I'm an alcoholic and in recovery. Although I think they believe I'm nuts in general, they see the results of recovery and they see it works (if you work it).
-My sponsors A & A.
-One of my dearest friends in the world RMH. You are my constant, we drank together and are now sober together. You are a huge part of my life daily, I love you little monkey. Thank you for your never ending support, I learn so much through you.
-KC, I don't know if I would be here without you. Which means I might be dead. You're a big part of my story. Mostly happy some hard. Thank you for all of it. I wish you light and love on your journey.
-SL - Thanks for being my first sober friend. You played a huge part of my recovery in year one. I wish you happiness in whatever you do.
-MS - You inspired and opened my eyes to so much. Thank you. You changed me for the better.
-EB, You relapsed so I didn't have to! Thanks dude :) I'll always appreciate that, I like watching you grow.
-My sponsee, for allowing me the honor of being there for her.
-All of my friends who were with me before and stayed through the past two years, thank you for your never ending support, even when I got super crazy. JS, CB, MN, MS, TF, PG, DJ, MS, LB, CJ, CS, AA, ES, BL, CB, FR, GB, ZM, GM, GK, HT, TK, EZ, IL, JS, JF, JM, JR, JE, JW, BM, KL, LF, MV, MB, MK, MS, MO, RK, MF.
If I forgot someone I appologize, 99% of everyone in my life have been so supportive of my recovery.
The past six months has been such a growth development for me. Year one was about not drinking, then you come to 1 year and, "now what? what am I feeling all the time?"
I worked hard and still do, I reach out, I do the work I need to to stay sober and grow as a person.
When I'm stuck, I look within and outside to figure out what's going on.
Sober women have been a huge influence, especially in the past 8 months. Women with lots of time, watching them work their AA program, move beyond their early sober years, make decisions on how to handle things in their sober life. They had what I wanted and I learned to make changes in my life that made a difference, even when they were hard and uncomfortable.
My life is good today. I'm happy every day. I have faith that I'm taken care of, things will be ok. I'm not afraid of things in the future. Miraculously things have a way of working themselves out.
There is a path for me, I'm on it. It's the right one.
Shanon
730 days ago I woke up at my friend Tara's house heart broken and spiritually broken, in a small moment I knew I needed help and decided to go to AA that day, I did at 11am and it changed my life.
Today I celebrate 2 years of sobriety. My life is completely different, I am completely different.
It's said when you arrive in AA eventually you will have, "a life beyond your wildest dreams" it's true. I do.
I never dreamed I would have this life, it's not filled with riches, private jets and haute couture, but it's filled with love, spirituality and happiness. Good people who support me, and inspire me and a deep faith that things are going to be ok on a daily basis.
It's about 2:30am here in Brooklyn and I can't sleep. Maybe a bit of excitement for this evenings celebrations festivities, maybe a bit of my Dad sleeping and snoring loudly in the other room. Whatever the mixture it's a good one.
I'm trying to think about how to sum up everything that's taken place and thank people who have come in and out of my life, where I am at now, etc. A List? Sure....Here's my 2 years of sobriety list, with initials to protect anonymity.
Thank you
-My family, for understanding in their own way that I'm an alcoholic and in recovery. Although I think they believe I'm nuts in general, they see the results of recovery and they see it works (if you work it).
-My sponsors A & A.
-One of my dearest friends in the world RMH. You are my constant, we drank together and are now sober together. You are a huge part of my life daily, I love you little monkey. Thank you for your never ending support, I learn so much through you.
-KC, I don't know if I would be here without you. Which means I might be dead. You're a big part of my story. Mostly happy some hard. Thank you for all of it. I wish you light and love on your journey.
-SL - Thanks for being my first sober friend. You played a huge part of my recovery in year one. I wish you happiness in whatever you do.
-MS - You inspired and opened my eyes to so much. Thank you. You changed me for the better.
-EB, You relapsed so I didn't have to! Thanks dude :) I'll always appreciate that, I like watching you grow.
-My sponsee, for allowing me the honor of being there for her.
-All of my friends who were with me before and stayed through the past two years, thank you for your never ending support, even when I got super crazy. JS, CB, MN, MS, TF, PG, DJ, MS, LB, CJ, CS, AA, ES, BL, CB, FR, GB, ZM, GM, GK, HT, TK, EZ, IL, JS, JF, JM, JR, JE, JW, BM, KL, LF, MV, MB, MK, MS, MO, RK, MF.
If I forgot someone I appologize, 99% of everyone in my life have been so supportive of my recovery.
The past six months has been such a growth development for me. Year one was about not drinking, then you come to 1 year and, "now what? what am I feeling all the time?"
I worked hard and still do, I reach out, I do the work I need to to stay sober and grow as a person.
When I'm stuck, I look within and outside to figure out what's going on.
Sober women have been a huge influence, especially in the past 8 months. Women with lots of time, watching them work their AA program, move beyond their early sober years, make decisions on how to handle things in their sober life. They had what I wanted and I learned to make changes in my life that made a difference, even when they were hard and uncomfortable.
My life is good today. I'm happy every day. I have faith that I'm taken care of, things will be ok. I'm not afraid of things in the future. Miraculously things have a way of working themselves out.
There is a path for me, I'm on it. It's the right one.
Shanon
Sunday, June 19, 2011
right now all your dreams are waking up.....
So much happening in my small small world.
Yesterday my friend Marisol and I did 108 sun salutations, I've done this yoga mala once before during my 200 hour training, this was very different, I actually knew I could do this so I went for it and honestly didn't really hit a wall and felt fantastic afterwards. Today I'm not too sore either, so how about that? cool.
If you haven't experienced Pure Yoga in Manhattan, please make a journey, it's beautiful and I wish I lived closer so I could join. It's too damn far from Park Slope.
Cafe Habana in Soho is really one of my most favorite places to eat, not the actual restaurant, but the to go cafe next door.
This week I had the pleasure of seeing Joseph Arthur perform twice at The Living Room on the LES. Went with Myriam, David, Ethan, Marisol and Gianni, very small show. I adore Joe. Last night I went with Will. It was so good. Joe's new album Graduation Ceremony is high recommended by me. I'm in love with the song "Love Never Asks You" so pretty it makes my insides cry.
Will took this photo of Joe because I'm to short, of course my narcissist self believes that this painting he did at the top of the show looks a little like me, we did speak about 3 mins before he walked on stage, so I want to buy it. I'm going to ask Joe.
My father arrives in a few hours to visit for Father's Day and my 2 year anniversary. I'm not speaking to my younger sister currently. So this is going to be awkward. It will all play out the way it's supposed to, but she owes me a serious apology. My dad loves hipsters so we are going to go to Williamburg, Brooklyn Flea and walk around and look at the hipsters.
Tomorrow night is my 2 year sober anniversary, I can't believe it's been 2 years. The longest/shortest 2 years of my life. My life is so much better in every possible way. I have a deep faith in a power greater than myself which has changed me from the inside out. For that I'm eternally grateful.
Now I feel like I need to be of service to the greater good of humanity. I just need to figure out exactly what that entails. More will be revealed......
Shanon
Have I written about Amma yet? I honestly can't remember (note to self, take medication!).
Amma spoke at the United Nations on Friday. Amma is a holy woman from India, her story is beautiful. But basically she is known as the female embodiment of God, she helps the poor and is an incredible inspiration. Trying to sum up Amma in this blog would be an injustice, I suggest you do a little homework and read up on the wonderful work she does for the world.
I took a few notes during her speech and here are the things Amma said that hit me.
-Doing complete service is to make the world a better place
-Are you doing service for man-kind?
-Make an imprint on humanity, what's your imprint?
-Total world is one home
-The world is lacking a mutual understanding and has a lack of love
-We need to elevate ourselves from a local feeling to a global feeling
-I am a citizen of this world, I have to do something for the world before I give up this body
-All of us can do something in our lifetime
-Everyone needs peace in the world
Yesterday my friend Marisol and I did 108 sun salutations, I've done this yoga mala once before during my 200 hour training, this was very different, I actually knew I could do this so I went for it and honestly didn't really hit a wall and felt fantastic afterwards. Today I'm not too sore either, so how about that? cool.
If you haven't experienced Pure Yoga in Manhattan, please make a journey, it's beautiful and I wish I lived closer so I could join. It's too damn far from Park Slope.
Cafe Habana in Soho is really one of my most favorite places to eat, not the actual restaurant, but the to go cafe next door.
This week I had the pleasure of seeing Joseph Arthur perform twice at The Living Room on the LES. Went with Myriam, David, Ethan, Marisol and Gianni, very small show. I adore Joe. Last night I went with Will. It was so good. Joe's new album Graduation Ceremony is high recommended by me. I'm in love with the song "Love Never Asks You" so pretty it makes my insides cry.
My father arrives in a few hours to visit for Father's Day and my 2 year anniversary. I'm not speaking to my younger sister currently. So this is going to be awkward. It will all play out the way it's supposed to, but she owes me a serious apology. My dad loves hipsters so we are going to go to Williamburg, Brooklyn Flea and walk around and look at the hipsters.
Tomorrow night is my 2 year sober anniversary, I can't believe it's been 2 years. The longest/shortest 2 years of my life. My life is so much better in every possible way. I have a deep faith in a power greater than myself which has changed me from the inside out. For that I'm eternally grateful.
Now I feel like I need to be of service to the greater good of humanity. I just need to figure out exactly what that entails. More will be revealed......
So for today, in the words of Joseph Arthur, "May God's Love Be With You"
Happy Father's Day
Thursday, June 16, 2011
It Feels Good
I had a perfect day today.
Don't get me wrong, most of my days in the last 7 months have been incredible but today was absolutely perfect.
Woke up super early. Dressed and out the door, headed to the Upper East Side.
Spent a nice amount of time relaxing in the Sheep's Meadow of Central Park, which has one of the greatest 360 views of New York, trees, skyline, I'm always in awe when I sit in that field. Also rather in awe of the skimpy bathing suits people choose to wear....hmmm. Bless them for being so bold.
This evening was shift one of the two I have in the 6/15 Green Community Garden. To join the garden and receive a key you have to do a few "shifts" easy breezy.
Ended up spending most of the time playing dominoes with two kids (10 & 12 years) visiting from Santa Domingo Puerto Rico for the summer. They speak no English. Lucky for me I speak a bit of Spanish and have a translator on my iPhone :)
Yasmine, Fredrico & I have a date tomorrow at 6pm to play dominoes again in the garden. It's been requested to bring the music of Michael Jackson for them to listen to, I shall do that.
They are at that great age, before you are into the opposite sex, when being a kid is just being a kid. Playing a game and sitting in a garden is the best night ever! Unfortunately we leave that age and don't return to that simplicity until later in life (for me now). Things get too damn complicated, keep in simple, those are the most precious moments in life.
When I put on Jay Z, they started dancing and singing in very broken English it was terrific. Yasmine also asked if I would teach her yoga, she watched our class last night, so I agreed.
If this continues I might have to take them to the Red Hook Public Pool next week! I'll speak to their Aunt tomorrow. They are here for 3 months.
I feel so incredibly grateful for today. How many people get to just lay around Central Park on a Thursday afternoon?
My life is pretty wonderful. I remember this everyday, even the days when it feels less wonderful. Here is my short gratitude list for tonight followed by a few pictures.
I'm grateful for:
-Being alive
-726 days of sobriety
-Knowing that my life is this good because of those 726 days
-terrific am emails with sober friends who ask questions like, "what would your day be like if you drank last night?" keeping it fresh
-yoga, i love you
-my Dad coming to visit me special for my 2nd anniversary on Monday!!
-spending time getting to know new people who are inspiring and full of new energy
-friends that get everything about me and love me for it
-the internet, text messages, emails, cell phones and other wonderful technology that makes life so much easier and allows me to work from anywhere on the planet
-Lulu! My trusty dog companion.
-getting to meet Fredrico & Yasmine, them teaching me dominoes and their pure souls
-a text that said they "enjoy being around your calm energy", sweet
-Park Slope sunsets
-Having faith in a power grater than myself
-Knowing that tomorrow is another perfect day waiting to happen
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Gratitude List
I do a daily gratitude list, sometimes it's only in my head. Anyone close to me knows how much gratitude I have for my beautiful blessed life.
Today I had an "episode" in kids teachers training. My medication works about 99% of the time, sometimes a little "episode" breaks through to remind me to slow down. In retrospect it all makes sense when this happens, I was feeling pretty sluggish today and all week.
Thank you universe, god, higher power for:
-Being alive
-Gardens, even little window ones
-Being a good friend, daughter, sister and granddaughter, dog mother
-Lulu, I had no idea our adventure would last 13 years, we've gotten pretty close in the past few months
-For missing Fred daily, I feel the love every time I think of him, he warms my heart from heaven
-Yoga! I love you yoga! xoxoxo
-My physical strength and weakness
-Crow Pose
-For having all my limbs, two eyes and they all seems to work pretty well
-For getting sick so I could understand what life is really about, then making a change
-721 days of sobriety
-Patience
-New York
-Mark Twain
-Mi Yoga Esposa Marisol
-My Dad
-Subway trains that have an open seat
-Cool breezes and little drizzles
-Sunsets
-The Statue Of Liberty
-Baby Cakes
-Nars White Nail Polish
-People who get my sense of humor
-Twitter
-Richard Branson
-Henry's Vietnamese Sandwiches (fake pork, yum)
-Vegans and the people who love them
-The finale of Twin Peaks
-Sparkles
-Glow In the Dark Yoga
-Sexy Yogis, male and female
-Sun Salutations
Here's to Saturday. One more day of kids yoga teacher training!
My herb garden, cute, little, mine. Rosemary and Lavender!
Lulu, looking serious on her morning walk
New yogi friend Astrood and mi yoga esposa Marisol
Friday, June 10, 2011
Hello is this on???
Writing from my iPhone
Does this work? Who knows I'm too lazy to get the computer out
In kids yoga teacher training until Sunday
June is super busy, I can't believe how busy my life is in sobriety (2 years in 10 days) it's different busy, I show up and do things now
A stupid cold f'd my bikram 30 day, was sick and couldn't practice
I don't feel bad, tomorrow I'll return to bikram, my hip is jammed up
Next week i'm doing Yin yoga, very happy about that, have had Yin on my mind for a few weeks now
My thought list:
-I want to sign up for teen yoga teacher training in two weeks
-the women at Karma Kids Yoga are freaking awesome, so happy to be in their training
-really looking forward to my little visit to east Hampton! Yeah, yoga, beach and funny Scotsman!
-I love my yoga wife Marisol, she rocks, new job for her! Shes going to kill it at MTV!
-I just ate an entire pint of vegan ice cream, oink oof
-the hotel in Russia next to mobys was on fire, the pictures were scary, I don't like fire
-seem to be in a positive place w my ex. That's nice, I wish him good things, after a while you start to remember why you loved them and are grateful for the time you had together.'
-I'm watching burlesque, oof but I love Cher! I think I was a drag queen in my past life
- new Kimberly ovitz resort 11 collection looks wonderful! I'm proud of Kim!
-I just bought a cool sweater and it's 80 degrees out
-I seem to be putting together a wardrobe for a new life, I like how this life looks btw, very chic
-I like me, even w a jammed hip and an appetite for whole pints of vegan ice cream
-I want to live somewhere exotic, help people and be a good human while I'm here, winds of changes are blowing me in that direction....
Xo
Shanon
Sent from my iPhone
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Happy Birthday Les Paul
Today is Les Paul's 96th birthday
He would have been 96, Les died in 2009.
Les was my friend
Today my heart is heavy, all the beautiful tributes and outpouring of love for Les. I wish he could see it. I think he does from heaven.
Les often mentioned that he was sad that people didn't visit him when they were in town touring or didn't call him back. eh, um Jeff Beck, but that's another story that makes me sick.
Les would have loved all the attention, the Google page would have delighted him to know end.
I've written before about Les and our friendship in the past. You can read old blogs about it
Today I say Happy Birthday my friend, thank you for so much on a personal level and on behalf of so many people your inventions, your music touched and still affects daily. I hope in heaven you found a giant workshop to spend your nights creating when you aren't jamming w Gods ultimate band
And thanks for being my family and friend in New York
Love
Shanon
He would have been 96, Les died in 2009.
Les was my friend
Today my heart is heavy, all the beautiful tributes and outpouring of love for Les. I wish he could see it. I think he does from heaven.
Les often mentioned that he was sad that people didn't visit him when they were in town touring or didn't call him back. eh, um Jeff Beck, but that's another story that makes me sick.
Les would have loved all the attention, the Google page would have delighted him to know end.
I've written before about Les and our friendship in the past. You can read old blogs about it
Today I say Happy Birthday my friend, thank you for so much on a personal level and on behalf of so many people your inventions, your music touched and still affects daily. I hope in heaven you found a giant workshop to spend your nights creating when you aren't jamming w Gods ultimate band
And thanks for being my family and friend in New York
Love
Shanon
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