You Cannot Touch The Sky From Inside Yourself

My vacation to California has been one of healing. A lot of processing, understanding and bit by bit letting go what I can when it's available. 

It's hard to focus on your own issues when standing in front of the powerful AI Weiwei installation at Alcatraz Island, which brings up so many emotions while reminding you of those humans wrongfully inprisioned for speaking out again the heinous acts their government does to their people daily. We forget these people are alive and have voices that need to be heard. The power of Weiwei's art brought me to tears several times while visiting the island. It puts so much in perspective. 

But yet my healing is still my own healing and it doesn't hurt any less. 

Yesterday Carrie and I drove from Carmel to Big Sur to begin the final chapter in my healing journey, we stopped for breakfast at my favorite Big Sur Bakery, where we were greeted by an upbeat staff rocking out to The Allman Brothers on volume 11. An actual great way to begin the day plus perfect coffee and crossaints. 

We then made the scenic drive past Deetjens to Esalen Institute where I spent the next few hours soaking in the healing sulfer baths and receiving possibly the best massage of my life. 

Refreshed and ready for my next steps to "go forward" as told specifically by my spirit guides we drove to the Ragged Point Inn, what a view. Carrie took care of her work, while I found a spot to take care of mine. 

Overlooking a perfect point of the Pacfic Ocean I pulled from my purse the box that held the ring Joe had given to me a year ago on my birthday in Big Sur. A custom turquoise and silver piece, made with what I can only assume at the time was love. Looking at it now it no longer held sentimental value for me. There was no connection, just pain. I spoke out loud to the God of my understanding, asked for healing and forgiveness for my heart and my part in the broken relationship, prayed and threw it into the ocean. 

My circle was complete. 

This trip was my healing trip, to heal from loss, the loss of my Grandmother, the loss of my relationship and the loss of myself-who I misplaced during that time period. 

I do feel better. I don't feel 100% ready to open my heart to someone or trust again, but I know that I've made my peace with myself and that matters.