Happy Holidaze

My old friend Kevin (he mentioned often in my blog) and I recorded our 2nd Annual Xmas Song under the name A Ferrous Flight.


Enjoy....


White Xmas/Happy Xmas - A Ferrous Flight

Shanon

The Bitter, The Sweet and Things In between

Hello Hello.  Is this thing on?


My its been a while since I've written and so many things have been happening in my little Brooklyn world.


Lulu is well.  She's had a birthday (now 14), is still deaf and loves to sleep approximately 22.5 hours a day.  Lulu is also enjoying the constant supply of chicken bones on the streets of South Slope, I do not enjoy fishing them out of her tiny mouth.  (I plead to these chicken carcass lovers to stop throwing bones on the sidewalk, it's crazy!!!)


Park Slope is still here, fall is all over the place, the community garden across from my place looks sad, leaves off the willow, flower beds all closed up, no more garden yoga in 2011....sniff sniff, sad face.


My summer friends from Puerto Rico have gone home to school.  I never dreamed I would spend summer evenings playing dominos with 7 & 9 year old in the garden, I don't speak Spanish, they didn't speak English, yet hours of fun were had by all.


Recently my days are filled with fashion, writing music trivia and yoga.  My evenings have laughter, lovely friends and currently a bit of delightful romance (he's admitted to reading my blog, hello handsome...is it Weds yet?). 


Thanksgiving brought my entire family down to Louisville to enjoy time with my new nephew, Benjamin Eli, a not so tiny bundle of joy, he sleeps, he eats, he poops....that's about all.  I realize again that babies are not fun until they start moving around.


Patti Smith's Just Kids rocked my world for two days, non stop read, inspiring and exciting me. 


I've knitted up a storm.  There are some hats and a few scarves that need loving homes.


My first flu of the season kicked my ass.  Four weeks of suffering helped me develop an obsession with Gossip Girl.  Oh Blair & Chuck, can you please just realize you need to be together!  You're killing me!!  


A quick trip out to LA with my friend Kimzo to raise $$ for the animals and a visit with Senor Moby were a special treat.


Most of all fall has woken up my senses.  My yoga practice is in full swing, meditation is connecting me to a power greater than myself and fall fashion, lots of layers and silly furry hats have become my daily dress up routine.  Dearest Mother Nature, please keep the weather cool, I have so many outfits to wear before I don a giant puffer coat in Jan/Feb. 


So before I leave you for the night and begin my big writing session, I give you a list of things that are making me happy at the moment.  


a. Apples (Fuji)
b. Bodies (the exhibit) 
c. Clementines
d. Dogs, Lulu, Matza & Lox
e. Eating vegan! Go Green!
f.  Fred, missing him and gratitude for having 13 years with him
g. Ginger Yogi Tea w almond milk & sugar
h. Hugs from kids in my yoga class
i. Ice cream, coconut base chocolate with brownies and sharing it with someone special
j. Jivamukti Yoga
k. Knowing the movie Foul Play exists
l. Lavender body scrub from Trader Joe's
m. Midnight In Paris
n. Noel Gallahger's High Flying Birds
o. OMG, my fav thing to text because my friends are always surprising me
p. Patti Smith  "because the night belongs to lovers....." & Peanut Chews
q. Q tile in Scrabble, so many points, limited options
r. romance, someone that makes the butterflies appear
s. Sexy texts 
t. twittering with Myriam, Zoe, Kim & Julia 
u. ukulele, playing, listening, singing along
v. Visits from Moby, Myriam & Julia
w. water, cold, hot, room temp, bubbles...it's all good
x.  X Live From The Whiskey A Go Go
y. YSL red lipstick
z. Z Pak, cures the 4 week flu bug

My niece Norah

Lulu on vacation with Uncle Kev

My family laughing, awesomeness

Benjamin Eli

Me and my super fantastic friend Kimzo

And this little guy...I really love him

It's big, it's green, it's THE TREE!!!

Funny Sticker on Prospect Ave & 4th Ave

Sunset over Castle Hall....Perfect Zen

G-nite people of the world.  Thanks for checking in with me.

Be nice to each other, we're only here once and it feels good.

xo

Shan

Adele's "Someone Like You" has been on non-stop rotation on my iPod for days now.

Rough day today.  Good news, bad news, I'm feeling slightly bummed out, finally figuring things out in my head about so much.

I've started my writing job which is busy and a bit challenging.  Writing music trivia questions all day long, I now know more about Rihanna, Britney Spears, Lady Gaga and Katy Perry than any one person should actually know.

The last few weeks I've been dealing with some health problems which aren't focused around my head. 

Good news on the brain cyst front, my doctor has taken me off my anti-seizure medication which I've been on since February 2010.  Topamax is a rough drug.  It had me all over the place for a while in the beginning, twice when they increased my dosage I became suicidal which was frightening, luckily I called for help because I knew there was a problem.  I am not a suicidal person by nature.  Those experiences helped me become emphatic for people who have mental problems, what a horrible thing to have such thoughts and not be able to control them.  I pray for those people and keep them in my thoughts.

About eight weeks ago I had a gynecological check up, my yearly.  I've never had any issues in the past, I love my doctor and have been seeing her for years.  At the check up she found a fibroid tumor on my uterus and a large cyst on my ovary.  She was concerned but needed me to come back after two menstrual cycles to follow up.  If it was an emergency she would have acted differently.  Honestly I have been in a bit of pain but didn't relate it to the cyst.  

We have also been discussing freezing my eggs as I'm 39 and we started talking about this a few years ago.  The issue with freezing eggs is that they are best frozen fertilized.  You have a better chance of getting pregnant later with fertilized eggs.  

So much pressure.  I really want to have a child but I'm totally financially unstable and haven't found any man that I would be interested in having any type of long lasting relationship with, pretty much ever.

I was married for nine years and knew that I would never have a child with my husband, I just knew that doing it would bind me to someone that I didn't want to have in my life forever.  I have no regrets about making that choice.

When all the tumor & cyst talk began I had to start thinking ahead on how to handle the egg situation if there were actual problems with serious results. 

I've been in this head space for weeks now and it's really unpleasant.  Filled with pressure and stress that is taking a toll on me mentally and physically.

My friends have been very supportive and kind.  Many of my female friends have been through cyst, tumors and other illness.  

The egg freezing is a whole other thing.  No one has dealt with that yet.

This afternoon I got the free and clear on both the cyst (it's gone) and the tumor, it's small and non cancerous, nothing to worry about she says, but I got another issue.

My doctor told me I have HPV, which is the virus that causes cervical cancer. 

For five+ years I have been tested for HPV and it's been negative.  Now it's not.  A close girl friend of mine had tested positive a while back and then after 6 months she tested negative. So who knows what that mystery is all about.

Here is what I do know, it raises my changes to very high on getting cervical cancer, I can't spread it to anyone else.  

I do know who I got it from and discussed it with them, so that hopefully moving forward he'll be aware.  

It was a difficult conversation to have with someone.  But we've been through a lot together and that makes things a bit easier.

At the moment my head is pretty full with all kinds of stuff, mostly a little sad at all the situations. 

I needed to write about it to helpfully understand the scope of everything happening.

Someone is playing Alice In Chains, "Man In The Box" really loud outside my window, that's cool.  I'll sign off with that.  

Shanon

A Writer Writes

I've got to start writing again.  


The block is on.  Making myself write is what needs to happen here.


Two people I respect have turned me on to The Artist Way by Julia Cameron.


-She's sober!
-She's a writer!
-It's spiritual


Ok I'm committing to the 12 week program beginning tomorrow and am very excited.


In other news, I feel pretty happy at the moment, a lot going on.


I'll write about it soon.  


Who's reading this?  I see people from around the world.  Drop me a line....I want to know you.


Shanon

I Don't Get It

I will happily admit when I don't understand something, it happens a lot.  


Here's what's on my mind, somethings I'm working through, somethings I totally don't get at all...Writing about it helps me lay it all out a bit easier.


Occupy Wall Street
Mmm...kind of on the fence here, declaration is difficult to understand, they are all over the place, just say you want change period and make it easy, as well you're actually causing so much police overtime in NYC it's going to fuck our taxes up.  Thanks for looking out for the poor folks, I can't afford the taxes I pay already hipster a-hole, get your shit together.

The OWS declaration starts at 2:39


Ok, if you figure this out a bit more let me know.  It kind of sounds like "the man is keeping me down", the man will always keep us down.  It's annoying but true and if you're a white man your life will be a lot better than a white woman or anyone of color.  Period.  The man keeps us down and we just keep going.  Work on making yourself happy, have a spiritual base and do your best to work in and around the system.  Unless you live on a desert island and stop paying into and living in the system we have to do our best to live within the "man's world".  Yes, it's rough but it's so much better than living in most of the countries around the world.  And if you shorten your message to something a bit more simple I bet more people will follow and support.  Keep it simple. 


That's me, yes, I don't fully get it and maybe I never will, when I was 17 I visited communist Russia and let me tell you, living here even in this "unfair" society is a million times better.  Appreciate the little things, make a difference by being a good person and for the love of anything except yourselves please think about the effect you are having on the average NYC tax payer and the people of NYC. 

Get Your Self Connected

As you may have noticed I haven't been writing too often here in ye old blog space.

Very uninspired as of late, I have le funk.

Trying to shake le funk as it's not fun, the past month has been mentally and physically exhausting on all fronts and everything has intensified into this state of blah.

Lately I feel very unconnected.  Unconnected to everything on the planet to be honest.

Maybe this is a mid-life crisis? It would make sense I am 39 and I think that's pretty much mid-life for most people. 

I hear these statements all the time:

-Life On Life's Terms

-You're exactly where you are supposed to be

-God/The Universe gives you what you need

-One Day At A Time

Most of the time I live my life by them, they make sense and I do see the small miracles in action a good portion of the time.

Lately I'm just unconnected, to people, my higher power and life in general.

A few weeks ago I was given some news about my health (more will be revealed) that hasn't necessarily stirred me up as it's got me thinking...I need to start planning a bit more for my future.  

I used to be a planner, typical type a personality, I planned, I acted, I got what I wanted, I was unhappy 99% of the time.

The things that I thought I wanted never made me happy. 

Then I got sober and learned a new way to live, and lucky for me a lot of my close friends got sober too.  

Now I live life on life's terms.  Lately I'm not thrilled with the terms life is throwing my way, but I know this is where I'm supposed to be and things do turn around, it's just being in the uncomfortable place that really stinks.

I'm not quite sure what my purpose here on the planet is, I thought for a while that it was to help others.  Maybe that is it, damn, I don't know, being there for other people feels good, then other times it's draining.  Recently I feel like I should sit behind a window that reads "BRING YOUR COMPLAINTS HERE I'LL LISTEN" but I've checked out, I don't want to hear about your frustrations right now, I have heart aches and head aches of my own that I need to heal.  Sounds selfish? Yes, it's what I need right now. 

Isolation is a big factor in my funk right now.  I just don't want to be around other people, just a few selected that I can just be.  Just be, not talk, not analyze my life or theirs, hang out, be quiet and do things.

We sobers tend to want to pull every feeling apart, discuss them and try to fix them.  It's exhausting. 

I've heard that year 2-3 of sobriety is like this, so I'm here, let's get this work done so I can stop feeling like crap and move to the next phase.

Thanks btw for the emails of support.  People send me some really cool words from all over the world, it's a pretty good feeling to know that you're identifying with what I write.  It's my truth, I'm happy it's resonated with you.

Shanon

Oh-this made me laugh recently.

A List & Some Pics For Your Enjoyment

Haven't posted in a bit.  Been busy, here are some photos and a short list of things that are making me happy until I write again....


LIST
-Lulu the lovely chihuahua
-Being home and chilling out
-Poetry by Rumi
-Weather starting to feel like fall
-Hanging out with my 95 year old Grandmother, what a gift
-My Dad
-Knowing that everything will be ok
-Feeling good and tired
-Seeing the ballet with a friend on a Sunday afternoon
-Hen O' The Woods mushrooms
-Snuggling, tangled legs and having someone's light snore put you to sleep 
-My sister Devon
-Helping my friends Jimmy & Chrissy with their wedding next weekend 
-Feeling calm most of the time
-Meditation and coffee in the morning
-Knowing that tomorrow I've got yoga to look forward to

My friend sent this pic to his girlfriend, I thought it was funny

Good news! Coffee Bean is open in NYC 39th & Broadway

I suggest a soy chai latte or vanilla iced blended

This is the house I lived in until my parents separated, drove by it the other day with my Dad & Grandmother

Here! Here!

Sounds like hard work, but rewarding

Lulu always looking sweet

The tent we built for fashion week runway show

The show made the cover of Women's Wear Daily the next morning! Here it is, good feeling